I attended Prayer and Praise night. Had dinner with Sab before that, it was a quick dinner but we managed to share some pretty solid stuff. Masala chicken was awfully salty.
Kihui came! Introduced her to some people. Worship began.
I remembered thinking, haiyo... wish this worship session would be done differently.. . Oh no, poor band dynamics... oh no, too much gain causing feedback, went to the back, checked sound system, turned off aircon...
Then we were told it's time to pray. Honestly I just wanted to sing to God, but I turned to Kihui and prayed for her anyway.
We sang another song. Then we were told to pray again! Amazingly Doreen came to pray for Kihui promptly, so Kihui was prayed for. I didn't know what to pray. I just wanted to sing to God and relax in His presence.
Gideon came over, shared a bit, then we both sang This Is My Desire, full harmony. It was great just singing to God.
Then pastor Adrian came onstage and shared about how God wants to fill us not just to ankle, to waist, but to overflowing. He got some parts of the anatomy wrong and we laughed! But when he said “whoever wants more of God, come forward, the altar is open.” I knew that was me. Promptly I took my bible and went forward.
We sang the next song. I sang with all my heart. Then there was free worship, and I remembered thinking, Lord, I need You so much. Please fill me with the Spirit. I really want to be filled to overflowing today.
Everyone else sang another song, but I didn't want to anymore. I just concentrated on asking God to fill me. I just bowed my head, opened my hands, pleading.
First, Doreen walked over, and she prayed the following things spot on:
That somehow, lots of rubbish has been thrown to me, and that God will remove them so that He can flow through in a clear channel (I remembered thinking, wow, rubbish? What rubbish? Hrmm... yeah I think there's quite a bit of rubbish indeed)
That I've neglected / been lazy with the Word, and that I should stop that. Spot on.
That I'm the apple of His eye. That He loves me very much.
She prayed “Yes God give her what she wants, fill her with the Spirit” i remembered thinking, how did she know that ? ?
Then, Pastor Adrian came over. He'd been walking around praying for everybody. I was deeply concentrating on God still, when he came over and in his loud, rambling style, prayed fervently that God will fill me, fill me, fill me with the Holy Spirit, that I will be swept away in His rivers today. I remembered responding Yes many times, waiting, just waiting for the Spirit to do something for me.
I remembered telling God that I want to be filled till I fall in His power. I could sense His Presence already, that numbing sense in my body, but I wasn't quite able to fall yet, and if I fall, I know it'd be coordinated. I know God won't push me (I was semi swaying I think) because He's a gentleman, but I did tell Him, God, let me fall in such a way that , before I know it, I'm already on the floor. I had never fallen in the Spirit before, so it was scary, but I was too thirsty for God, to think about that.
I concentrated on Him some more, still standing, still waiting, still pleading. Then amidst singing and music, I heard “Sandra look up. The Lord has something to say to you.” I opened my eyes, saw army uniform, wondered for a while who that was (!) only to see that it was Euclid, surprised that he'd arrived. He then said “The picture I saw for you, is something hazy. Tonight I ask God specifically for a clarity of purpose, of calling, of direction.” ABSOLUTELY spot on, depicting my work situation about how to take over Tian Hui's role. He then continued to pray for me to be filled with the Spirit, and then, I clearly remember, after praying for me for probably just 15 seconds, I felt that numbness fill me very quickly, till it reached my head, my brains, and it was at that moment when I know it was DEFINITELY the Holy Spirit, and indeed I couldn't even resist if I wanted because my whole body was numb and weak, and I really, really fell. (Even before I fell, I looked and made it a point I would fall to the left since there was no one there, and that I would fall sideways so that my arms could support and I wouldn't break my spine)
And there I was, lying sideway at the left, head buried in hands, and I found myself crying HEAPS, while noticing that incredible numbness all over my body, especially my head. And yes it's true, I am still fully in control, still fully voluntary in my actions, still aware of what's going on, but I was really, really enjoying myself, lying there, crying, knowing that over there, it was just God and me, and it was what I really wanted. I cried heaps. I wanted Jesus so much.
Then I found myself shivering. I remembered shivering, teeth chattering VERY hard, very loudly! It was abnormal. I tried to resist, and I stopped chattering. But when I let go, I was chattering hard again. Then I decided OK i would let God do anything. Whatever You want to do Lord I let You do. I let go, I won't resist. And I was still so hungry, so desperate for God! Lying there I kept praying, “Oh Jesus ! ! ...... I want so much more, much more of You..... Do whatever You want in me...”
Some kind soul covered me with a jacket. Another kind soul (whom I later found out was aunty Alice) put tissue in my hands and said “Praise God, Sandra. You have surrendered.”
And then, most incredibly, I found myself, amidst tears and mucous all over my face and hands, and all that teeth chattering, I really, really started to laugh. It was a very hearty laughter, and at first I controlled so I wouldn't laugh too loud, because it was weird and distracting others. But I clearly remembered, that when the songs were at climax and everyone was singing very loudly, I began to let go, and I then laughed VERY hard, so hard I actually hit the floor (the way I usually hit things around me when I'm really guffawing), as if I was laughing VERY comfortably amidst close friends about a really, REALLY funny joke. Now I can be so sure that this is something I CANNOT fake, or re-enact. It was completely incredible. I'm not even thinking about a joke or anything funny, but I kept laughing AND laughing AND laughing!
So there I was, I think I laid there possibly for another 45 minutes? Just laughing, resting, coughing a little, heaving for some oxygen, then laughing again! All supernatural! But I remembered, it's amazing! I'm so amazed at God, all the while I'm just really wanting to praise Him, attempted to raise hands, attempted to move lips to sing along (still lying down!!) , but I couldn't because my extremeties were all STILL numb and I was still drunk in the Holy Spirit, and I chose, MANY times, just to lie back on the floor, to laugh!
All the while I was aware of what was going on around! Euclid praying “Yes Lord! May she be drunk in the Holy Spirit, fill her with the joy of the Lord...” pastor Adrian praying “May the joy of the Lord be her strength” (seriously I was laughing SO LOUD everyone HAD to know. I remembered thinking to myself, this would NOT have been possible if I weren't at a place I was comfortable in. Like, I knew the people here, I felt at home on the church carpet, which allowed me to let loose, and it was wonderful being in that position.)
I was even aware of wrong bass notes, bad build-ups, inconsistent tempo, but all the while lying on the floor, very drunk in the Spirit, laughing and shivering still!! Aunty Alice came to check a few times to see I was OK, only to smile and say “haha she's alright, still filled with the joy of the Lord' and yes, I just kept on laughing.
Incredible!!
Towards the last song I tried very hard to get up and praise God, jumping... (it was Praise You by planetshakers!!) but my limbs, my limbs were all still so numb, it was a great effort standing. I remembered thinking if I had a bed I really would just lie there and relax and just be with God.
When the night was over (1045pm thereabouts) I got up with great effort, but was shivering very badly, then I realized I was very cold from the aircon, so I went outside to thaw, and to ensure that if I was shivering and chattering, it would be from the Lord and NOT the cold.
Everyone pretty much left the place already.
I brought my things down to church office and Joel and aunty Alice were chatting there a little. I remembered sitting at someone's chair and lying there, resting. Still feeling the numbness all over, which, to my surprise, wore off sooooooooo slowly! It was incredible, and any little joke triggered me to laugh very hard. I kept telling Joel “don't get me started ah hah ah ah ha hahahhahaa”
The whole experience really encouraged and amazed me because
People after people released words that were fully accurate. Surely God was talking to me, through them.
I encountered that God is really, really REAL because that numbness, that infilling happened fast, and strong, and I really fell (and I always doubted if I could). I encountered Holy Spirit – enabled crying, shivering, laughing, and it was really extremely incredible. Best of all, it felt SO shiok because I was filled with God and His presence was so real and strong, that I remembered wondering if this would be even better than sex.
During supper, when I saw Darren eating his last piece of prata with sugar and curry, then putting the whole chunk into his mouth and eating, the Lord spoke to me. He said, “as a parent, won't you be so happy looking at your child, feeding himself? You won't have to worry about him being malnourished because he has learnt how to feed himself. Sandra I want you to learn to feed yourself too.” I know it was God telling me, that I NEED to revamp my Word life. I need to inject consistency.
Wow.
An incredible night.
Jesus, alone, be praised.
