10:32pm
This evening, I did not go to CG. At about 9:20pm I decided to take the chair to the front porch area, and sat there with God and begin defragmenting like I did the other day, which was shiok. Today's session was super shiok too. Today, I was so real with God. I spoke out loud to Him, and in singlish, in chinese, in utter honesty, of which at many points I was disgusted with mysefl and couldn't accept myself. What irony. Because God accepts me, and I can't accept myself!
It was just me, God, and tissue paper. Awesome.
Honestly, I enjoy this dark night of the soul. This whole season of discouragement. It's so wonderful just being human. And being with a God who understands I'm only human. I didn't want to go CG, and I'm at peace about it now, because I know the Lord accepts it, and I know it's actually better for me. I think it's acceptable for me to react to discouragement this way, and to manifest my inability, my inconsistency, my instability this way, and I love it when God knows and understands it. I just love my God.
........
The song 'Times of Refreshing' has never carried more weight.
Times of refreshing
Here in Your presence
No greater blessing
Than being with You
My soul is restored
My mind is renewed
There's no greater blessing
Than being with You
I don't know how I'm going to fully enjoy the song if I'm in a room, encaved in 4 walls... I truly loved singing that song when I was out in the open, directly under the sky, with grasshopper-noises around me, and a gentle (for once not artificial) night breeze passing by me.
I have yet to do my Critical Review.
February 16, 2006
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2 comments:
God do love you as you are but yet He refuse to let us be who we are, He want us to be like His Son, Jesus. That's why we are told to imitate Christ. We failed along the path, but yet we should keep learning from our failure in order to be like Him.
By the way, why do you feel so discouraged?
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